It’s done. It won’t function anymore. I am sick and tired. I tried every possibility, or at least, this is what I believe I did. I thought I could, but I am sick and tired, as I have said. I want to break up. You are wonderful, you are perfect just the way you are. Maybe, you are too perfect for me, for my style, for my way of reaching my full potential and nevertheless, for my own being.
Maybe you will make another citizen happy. But I have to say goodbye if I do not want to lose the little remaining mind I have. Most of the time I am staring at the blank ceiling, with a blank image in my head, asking myself if I ever loved you? I do not know why I was so devoted and convinced that I have loved you, that I am truly in love with you.
Maybe the fact that I grew up in you, without imagining how I would exist outside of you made a very important point there, Romania. Yes! Romania! Romania! Romania! (I even imagined myself shouting this name as I was to be in a football stadium). But, here is your anthem:
The best and memorable moments in my life that I ever had were with you. A very large deal of what I am, what I am representing, even with the good and evil is because of you. You have raised me as I am today. On the other hand, I have learned how to deal with the most abyssal moments of despair, again with many thanks to you!
When I first faced the reality of school, I have started to find myself offended. Offended by the quality of my teachers, offended by the system that feeds me information that I did not need in a large quantity, that did only reached the back of my head, in a black hole that will never be discovered again. But the most offending aspect about your education, my dear country, was the fact that I had no opportunity to express myself, no opportunity to show you what I am thinking and reflecting.
I only needed to know what other academics said and reproduce their words, and maybe that wasn’t enough. It wasn’t enough that I have stayed nights trying to cultivate myself. It was enough to cite my teacher’s words and get the maximum points I have needed and afterwards, all these information will be sent straight and directly to that black hole that I have told you about.
But, as I am a rebel, I have fought. I have had the courage to fight against the system and riot, but I couldn’t fight my whole life, could I? You have tried to get me out of your system by all means and put me down along others that have rebelled against you. But, guess what I have managed to resist, well, maybe until I have left you.
I have a question that is still following me, like a shadow, capturing me in a world full of doubt. Why were you so bitter against young individuals, rebels, such myself, that only wanted to produce something that will last, something that was thriving of creativity, something that was only meant for you?
I maybe found the answer. I was not even worthy of your people. No matter how much I worked, I barely managed to cover and fill up the hits that they gave me. I could not fight against corruption, nepotism and the bribe that I had to offer even if I wanted to cross the street! Because you’ve taught your citizens that when they pursue their roles in the society, they utterly need to steal, bribe and use corruption as their assets.
There is even a protest, which has taken over the whole country:
Suppliers are thought to not deliver, customers to not pay, and borrowers to forget about their request. And I cannot work as much as others steal, I cannot achieve the greatness and achievement of my dreams, as I do not have a family member that can support my stairs to success.
You’ve changed, you know. You have become a grotesque, bitter and oppressing creature. You have become barbaric, in the historical sense of the word. Your sons are less educated and literate, but they steal, violate the rules, eat and drink more, until their bodies will crack, as they are in a permanent war with themselves, with their spirituality. I truly think that you will die old and alone.
There is only one saying: the images speak for themselves:
Those who loved you, as myself, and whom you have exhausted and mocked, will leave, as well. But, those who just have used you will just move to another one, leaving you behind with nothing to give them instead, with nothing that could have prolonged this moment of abandon. And I think you deserve your fate.
But, I am a hopeless romantic, you know. I could not stop loving you. I still have goosebumps when I hear the anthem and see the three colours waving: blue, yellow and red.
And as I am so far away from you, I finally understand what keeps me running back to you: I miss you and I will always do. Because I am a foreigner here, in the UK and a foreigner home, as I cannot obey your system.
Lots of love (as you know that I still love you),