Dear Mimi,

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(http://www.npr.org)

 

This is going to be different. Why? I have put control over you. You are no longer in charge. What a shame!

I have missed you, truly, therefore I have come to visit you once again. I am both enjoying myself and loving the way in which you suffer from so many causes: mentally, physically, socially and maybe, but just maybe, spiritually.

I want to make you so desperate, that you will never get the chance to relax. I want to make you anxious, nervous and jumpy. I want to make you so restless, irritable and agitated so that everything or everybody makes you be the worst version of yourself.

I want you to think about your past, I want you to feel confused again. I want you to never be able to think clear or positive. I want you to feel remorseful. I want you to feel guilty for every little think that you have done in the past, never being able to let it go. You will not ever let go of the things that keep you in the past: YOU WILL NEVER ESCAPE YOUR PAST!

I want you to hate everything that surrounds you. I want you to hate the whole society and its flows. I want you to hate your own flaws. I want you to be ANGRY. I want you to feel all the negative feelings in this world. I want you to feel NUMB to all the positive aspects of this life. I want you to blame everything and everyone. I want you to feel sorry for yourself. I want yo make you feel paranoid and fearful. I want you to feel that at every moment possible, without any reason.

I want to make you stay up all night, crying. I want you to become an insomniac. I want to breathe through your fear. I want you to try to scream, but without the force to let any sound get out. You cannot sleep without me. I am in control of your dreams. I am in control of your whole being. You are MINE! I want to be the first thing you think about every morning and the last thing you think about you have finally fallen asleep. I want you to become NUMB.

What can I say? I love to see you suffer. I can’t help but sneer and chuckle when you are dying from inside-out; when you wake up with the pillow and blankets soaking wet. I find it really amusing when I watch you just ignore yourself. You have decided not to care. Did you? You haven’t got out in a while. You have stopped caring about your meals. You have stopped thinking about your personal hygiene, too. Why is that? Oh! I know! ME! 

It amazes me how much destruction I can cause- to your brain, while at the same time, working on your whole body, destroying it bit by bit, piece by piece. You fell like dominoes. What can I say? I am much appreciating the fact that you have given up so many things that you have loved, for me, only for me. You have given up your friends that you deeply cared for because you did not want them to be involved with me. Kind of possessive, aren’t you?

You have turned yourself against everybody. You have tried to protect them from me, especially your loved ones. I have savoured every moment. I have been very happy with every member of your life, which you have given up. The most important people in your life got tired of you. Got tired of your thoughts. Got tired of the way in which you behave. Got tired of your tears. Got tired of their incapability to help you.

I am here for you. I have always been. You can depend on me. ALWAYS. All the things that you have lost are nothing compared to me. You can depend on me to constantly provide that living  HELL, which you love that much. You have sacrificed everything for me. It is the least that I can do. I will not be fully satisfied until your FINAL step.

Forever Yours,

Your Depression.

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