Dear anxiety,

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(http://www.nhs.uk)

 

I do not even know why did I have referred to you as dear- maybe because you and I had been through a very long, intimate, let’s say, abusive relationship. I will assure myself that you have fully understood that you are not dear to me in any possible way.

You have created me panic attacks, tormenting every second of them. From the beginning to the end. You have constantly been lying to me:

You can’t do that! You are not strong enough! You are a disappointment! Nobody cares about you! 

Does that sound familiar? Those are just merely four examples, which you have been frequently had used. You are without a doubt a wretched companion and I am desperately trying to break up with you. I am no longer willing to have any involvement with you!

Here is what you are doing to me, to all of us:

You may be thinking why I am writing this letter? I have tried several times. I have failed, but this time is different! Or at least, I pretend it is. I am writing in order to inform you that starting from this very moment, I will not feel anything! I will not longer fear! I will not bow down to your mean words. I will ignore you, as I ignore the wind blowing.

I am sick and tired of you! I am sick of tired of the person whom I have become because of you. I will no longer let you dictate who I need or not to be. I will be who I want to be! I forbid you from holding me back grom my full potential.

Your lies, anxiety, are no longer important for me! I can handle life! I do not need to stay home, hiding from the society! Hiding from the supposedly ‘critics’, who have nothing else to do than laughing at me. Hiding from all the ‘bad things’ that can happen. I will not miss any opportunity! I will not hear you out again!

You are lying! You were always lying! 

You have acted like my only friend. I have believed you, but you have never been my friend, did you? A friend does not let you down. A friend does not constantly keep saying that you are unable to do something. A friend does not try to control your life. A friend does not want you to get destroyed, completely. A friend wants you to be HAPPY. But instead, you made me ANGRY, IRRITABLE and nevertheless, CONFUSED. You have made me the worst version of myself. You took all my energy, drawing it into a black abyss. You left with nothing! NOTHING!

You do not have the power to do this again! You cannot control me, my life and all the things I could have done. I want them all back. I want to go back in time, where you have not existed, where I could do everything I wanted, everything I have loved. I want to experience! I want to go on an ADVENTURE without you whispering in my ear that I CAN’T. I want everything that you have not allowed me to do while I was under your tyranny.

Do I still have you? I might. I will never tell you.

Go away! Go as far as you can, as I can. But, please, promise me you won’t just leave me and target somebody else. Nobody deserves this kind of life. Nobody deserves to be controlled by you. NOBODY! Nobody deserves to think less of them. Nobody deserves to think that they have lost their ability to trust themselves, their SKILLS and moreover, their GOALS. You cannot take away our DREAMS. They are all we have. All that we have against you.

I can do it! I can trust myself, I can present a project in front of a class, I can overcome my claustrophobia, I can obtain the job that I want, I can go to the other side of the World! I CAN! I can do whatever I want to do!

You are no longer in control. I am no longer blind. I can see you exactly as you are- a tyrant.

Goodbye, anxiety. I am no longer under your control.

Yours sincerely,

Mimi.

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